Ron English on Art & Inspiration

A conversation with Ron English / On Art & Inspiration from DUDEBOX on Vimeo.

I watch this from time to time when I feel a creative plateau or growing pain. Today I was feeling sick and run down. Battling a lot of stress and fatigue this semester which has taken its toll on my body and mind. My mom said to me yesterday, "I remember you running out of steam this summer. You were done." I don't think I fully recovered from that burnout, even though I took the second summer session off to be with my kids and regroup in my brain.

 Today I stayed home, but I decided to get my ducks in a row. I caught up in my German class and on my sketches. I also starting planning my next project for ceramics (which I had 3 or 4 ideas I was throwing around). Tonight I'm going to finish two 2D projects and my ceramic rabbit base. It feels good to finally be at the point where I can check off pieces on the dreaded to-do list. The paralyzing stress starts to lift, and it gives me a boost in energy. Also drinking more water... helps fight the fatigue the stress is dragging along with it. You have to feed your body or the mind slows as well.

 Other things that give me a boost are seeing my friends' happiness and new journeys. I don't even care if they're in any way related to my happiness or journey. To watch people build on their talents and push themselves to the next creative place both mentally and physically really encourages me.

 With this hectic schedule I have been forced to become more organized and more reliable. I generally stay in my own head, my own world, and take life as slowly or as fast I as I'm feeling in the moment. I don't think that generally works in the "real world", and though I enjoy my weird character traits and introvert pace... I realize I have to bend and create different habits.

 This structure is killing me creatively. At times I'm dried out in my imagination completely, which has never been an issue. That's why I love this video with Ron English - it reminds me of sitting alone playing in my room when I was a child. My sister and brother lived with their dad most of the time, and I was like an only child (between the age gap and living arrangements).  I'd say the majority of my playtime was always alone, which pushed me into fantastical abstract imaginative places.  A lot of those places were dark, as my childhood was surrounded in death due to my brother and father's illnesses.

 I think it's rather magical and sacred the way that children play out death and darkness and sadness as a way to wrap their developing brains around heavy adult subject matter. I feel special in the way that my childhood experience was drastically different than most. And while that made it hard for me to function socially on the level of other children (and as a young adult), now I feel it's a wonderland of content to pull from where objects have character and complex emotions that enable their companionship. It's definitely enabling me to finally connect with my peer group.  I want to share those characters & those places with them in a way that provokes observation into their own perspectives.

(the only photo in my dad's wallet at the time of his death. I was 4yrs old here.) 

 Back to English... My favorite part of the video is where English talks about using your skill set to make those childhood imaginings come to life. This has really helped me build an bottomless well of content to start integrating into my work. I can't always force them into assigned projects, but they're there waiting for when I can. The next step is to go back into my own world as if putting on blinders and fearlessly put more of my psychological content out there. I don't think I'm going to progress if I can't get over that hump. It holds me back productively and in regards to content.

My brother and I one Halloween. 

Rick, my birth dad.

Bunny Ears

This week I decided to spread out all my projects-in-the-works and see where I was at (in the bigger picture as well as in each individual project).   I have 7 large 2D projects to finish this month, as well as 5 3D projects.  I created an organized check list and prioritized what was most important to accomplish in each piece.  Luckily about 5 of my 2D projects are nearly 75% to 90% finished.  I feel further behind on my 3D projects.

My last 2D project was started last weekend.  This is only a few hours into it (bad basement lighting).  This whole semester in my independent study I am focusing on experimentation with material.  I was working on the Breeders piece, but some craziness in my schedule and stress load were making it hard to get into such an intimate and fun piece.  I decided instead to shift gears to a final piece that is a bit of a tribute to Ben and his conflicting altar egos.  In addition, I decided to try more wet media due to the fact that Ben is always pushing me to paint and his artwork is mostly in ink or paint.  I feed so much off of his imagination and perspective, that his artwork and music directly guides a lot of my pieces.

Bunny round #2...  Glad to be starting fresh on this concept.  Today I started the first of three rabbit sculptures.   They will be bases to display these 50 + year old baby doll heads from when my grandmother was a child.  I have two the size of the head photographed here, and one larger head that I'm saving for last.  They will be in three different poses each displaying a doll head with handmade rabbit ears from vintage fur remnants that I found. 

This was the end of today... though I may dive into it a bit more tonight after my German homework. 

Parker's Unicorn :)  It's is rearing up with a mound of earth underneath for support (her own idea when she couldn't get the legs to hold the body's weight).  She was most proud of the long tail and flowing mane.  I like that the horn is bigger than the head haha (her original head was viciously torn off and smashed by her brother...  it's been a long day with Moo.)

A wall mount collage that I'm working on.  Lots of patterned shapes and graphic-like imagery.  

More detail work to do on the eye, not sure how far I want to go with it. 

Our little tea break today with these insane flower sponge cake cupcakes my mom sent home with us after my sister's baby shower/birthday party.  I've really been trying to pay attention to the ceramics and patterns I've collected over the years (even before taking any ceramics or drawing classes).  I really want to understand what factors in design that I'm most drawn to.  The cup to the left is my Papaw's doodles, which more than directly effect my ink pattern works.  The middle is one of a set of four vintage mugs with strawberries, and the last Gustav Klimt... that talented o' dog has always had a spot in my heart.

Fall!

Nap buddies :)  Peeves and his o' lady. 

Dognapped Enoch from next door for a play date. 

Moo Teeth

Milo went for his first occupational therapy and evaluation at Southern Indiana Rehabilitation.   He soared through the fine motor skills assessment (which according to his therapist the fine motor skills suffer when children have sensory deficit, and so we're really happy about that).   

After I answered quite a few questions about him and doing an evaluation on the physical therapy equipment, his therapist and an additional therapist assisting that day feel pretty confident that he has less understanding of where his body is in space or how much pressure is applied to his body or should be applied by his body than the average person.   Proprioception is how we know, even with our eyes closed, where we are in space, and therefore how much pressure or strength there exists in movements.  Basically the assumption is that his joints, muscles, and tendons are sending messages to his brain, but those messages are getting jumbled somehow along the way.   

Two books that were suggested to us were The Out of Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz and The Everything Parents Guide to Sensory Integration Disorder by Terri Mauro.  

Ben and I feel like they really understood Milo and that there were a lot of similarities in his behavior and the symptoms they described.   I guess as long as no medication is involved, we are going to follow through with weekly therapy to help Milo meet his needs.   We don't really want to label him or buy into it 100%, but we feel everyone's path in life is to meet their needs...  We're just trying to understand his needs better and help him take control of some of the destructive behaviors and anxiety. 

He had a rough time switching schedules with fall break last week on top of a girl scout trip that overwhelmed him.  He had confused breakdowns (which his therapists say are similar to an anxiety attack, because they involve the fight and flight responses).   We've been letting him carry around beanie babies to chew on and cuddle.   His therapist gave us a chew ban for him to gnaw on to self soothe his anxieties and impact seeking.  I'm making a necklace for him so he can keep it with him, vs chewing and mouthing his work and eating his shirt.

The chew band (theraband is what I think it's called) provided so much relief.  His teachers said he did not shove, push, gnaw, mouth, or show anxiety at school.  He chewed his necklace and was at ease.  The photo at the top is of him at a large birthday party today, and I think he's doing really well in overwhelming social settings thanks to his chew band. 

He said "Look!  Mom!  I'm frustrated!" and took a huge bite like Hulk into his necklace.   His teachers have been such a great asset in helping redirect him.   

Make!

I got baby Zoe's ribbon/tag blankie finished!  She can now explore colors, patterns, and textures...  well first she has to be born, then she can do some explore'n. 

Rebeka and I started to assemble the pelvis and legs to our figure.  I took 360 degree photos of the pose we're aiming for to help us snag shapes faster this week.  We work rather fast together.  I'm following her lead and trying to get the rhythm.  I think the first round went really well, we seemed to fly through it. 

The babies have been hollowed out by Rebeka, and I finished the womb-like cushion.  I think we're both very happy with where our projects ended up and how they come together as a whole.  

Very very late night last minute touches on the one-eyed-monster. 

A couple of days before. 

Wooden mask from this direction looks like an optical illusion of another person. 

I have decided to use a white clay body for the little girl and tea party set up.  That's currently drying but is sized and measured and ready to go.

Getting closer on my drawing, though I really need to pick up the pace.  

I also got far on two other pieces at home and a good start on my breeders piece. 

Taking a break with my floating dog in the backyard. 

She's a sweetheart. 

Keep'n On

I started a project at home of an image I've had in my mind for a while now.   I wanted a cyclops leading a little girl on a journey.   The photos of the girl (below) were about 2 hrs before she was finished, with that much more detail.  I was so happy, but it was 3am and I thought I could hollow her head (it was too heavy for the neck).  Long story short it fell off and smashed into a moosh mound on the floor.  So I'll be making a new one this week.  I'm close to finished with the cyclops.  My plans changed after I finished his posture.  I want them to be setting down for tea at a tiny tea set.  Much more excited about this direction.  Maybe her head was supposed to fall off, the first idea wasn't meant to be. 

he's wearing a wooden mask on his head, that I want to paint like a clown or doll. 

Also finishing a self portrait and another piece on wood.  Much closer after working on it this week. 

I have a large religious commentary piece at school that I'm focusing on as well. 

Rebeka and I have made the clay and formed the body pieces for our life size female sculpture.  They were drying out just a bit over this weekend.  Also I attempted to help her finish up the babies (getting into the swing of her style).  She hollowed those out this weekend, and they will be fired asap.  

We sat down and talked about our email to Karen about the installation.  Rebeka wrote it, and I thought she covered everything really well. 

Right in Front of You

A lot of my friends have asked that I start a blog about the journey we're taking in helping Moo with his sensory deficit.   I figured adding it on to this wouldn't hurt.

Today was a bit hard.  We went with Parker to her girl scouts' trip to the candy museum.  It was packed.  Milo was being a great listener and rather quiet.  It didn't hit me until Moo had almost chewed the head off his stuffed shark that he was struggling.  All day he has been asking me for hugs.  Big squished hugs really help him.  He gets soothing impact from them.  I know when it gets to the point he's asking for them, that he's really needing it.

(his shark is in his mouth here.  also he gets a zoned out look on his face when there's too many people and too much motion going on)

(or he'll find a way to tune out the overload)

Lately at school he's been gnawing holes in his clothing.  I start to think his sensory issues are lifting, but the last few weeks seem to be pushing in the other direction.

We've been "making clay", as he calls it,  and it's been a wonderful outlet for him.  He gets the texture and impact he's seeking.  There's a joy and peace.  Also playing in soapy water (like bubbles), paints, oil pastels, and anything wet or able to be squished helps.  He's favorite is to dig in my garden.  Having his new dog to pet and practice boundaries with has also helped.  He's done an awesome job with her!

Yesterday I tried to focus on getting caught up on my drawings.  Parker can entertain herself and was actually drawing along side of me the whole day.  I didn't realize that I hadn't given Moo enough stimulus until he was chewing a pack of crayons.  I redirected him with other activities, but not much later he was eating oil pastels and smearing them all over himself.   Bath time was an instant win.  Sensory kiddos love water! Moo will do all my dishes without any breaks if you let him.   He's so content if water is involved and seems to get this serious tunnel vision on what he's doing.

(I think the important thing is to stay calm and don't punish...  he smeared this all over the table, floor, wall of the bathroom, etc, but I had to remember that he was in his own world meeting his own needs.)

Thursday is our first occupational therapy at Southern Indiana Rehabilitation.  Excited to share the process and all that we're hopefully going to learn.

I don't know if it's related, but along with the spike of 'seeking' he's been doing Milo also has had a lot more tantrums/melt downs.  He's not really one to throw a tantrum, so this has been an unusual shift.   He doesn't shout for things, it's more of a panicked, flustered and confused melt down.  I've been able to get down to his level (kneeling, holding him in my lap, etc) and talk him through them.  I'm hoping we can learn some additional techniques with therapy.

I really feel this is like anything any of us deal with.  We spend our whole lives searching for ways to fill our needs.

Cutting Strings

I'll start off with the mold experiment...  The forgotten mold experiment.  After checking it and deciding to abandon ship, I must have removed it from my mind completely.  This has been a week of reorganization... Trying to find harmony and balance to soothe the stress and hectic schedule that seems to come hand-in-hand with this semester.  Upon clearing out the basement, I rediscovered the mold.  So for those weirdos (myself included) that were anxiously awaiting the results, there you go.  ick. right? 

I think, no matter the damage to my gpa this semester...  the ONE thing I will have learned is to cut strings.   I'm not talking about my spider webs.  I'm talking about the projects, commitments, obligations, and ideas we tie ourselves to.  This week I have cut so many strings.  In my mind it's like the movie Up (which most things come to me in the form of cartoons these days, as if my children are slowly planting seeds and conditioning my mind).  

I want need to stay grounded and focused... too many string pulling me up or in opposing directions is self defeating.  So this week I dropped a class and cancelled a trip to Florida.  The amount of weight this lifted forced me to recognize that I was stressing myself out to the point of paralysis.  A mental paralysis.  I had so much going on in my head that even when I devoted the time to my studio, I wasn't completely there- mind, body, and spirit.  

Long story made short....  Hoping for a jump in productivity.  There's too many ideas that I need to act on.  I think there is selfishness, and we view it as a heartless trait... but there also exists a healthy selfishness.  This is my time to get done what I need done, what I need to complete to grow my soul. 

And to further grow my soul...  meet the laziest studio assistant ever!  Lola <3 nbsp="nbsp">

She LOVES being in the basement and keeps me company.  I have been able to get a lot more work done with this lil o' lady around.   

Last night I got a last round of spiderlings finished.  Today I am using a garbage bag full of plastic grocery bags as the base to mold my lambs' wool over for the spider egg.  I am using masking tape to form the shape, then coating the wool with liquid adhesive to pinnate it to the mold.   I'll go back through with the darker wool and a needle for some detail and line work.  

I plan on installing this early Tuesday morning in the space lab to give me plenty of time to weave a bit of a web and attach the spiders to it.   

*wink*

Lola thinks it's going to pan out.  I put my trust in Lola.