A Start

Over analytical and indecisive... or rather too precious about each step...  It's naturally who I am, but I've got to make it work.  Right now I feel it's not working.

I feel another growing pain coming on.  I've been diving inward a bit more than I'd like, so of course coffee propels me into some productivity.   Crutches for now. 

Emily and I met and went over all the pieces that I'm currently working on.  Everything is ahead of schedule, but I'd like to push faster- just more time for details in the finishing touches later on.  Allergies and a mood shift have slowed me down a bit.  I gave myself a rest today, but I'm up and working tonight. 

Every time I hit a writer's block, I hang out with Ben and the kids.   Making something simple or doing a craft like braiding Parker's hair really helps.  It's good to stay in the making process, but to give yourself some distance.  

Moo has been going to his occupational therapy, and he loves loves loves it.  We sneak in a lunch date just the two of us.  I really love the time I get with him, he has a bigger voice when there's no one around to compete for my attention.

Peeves in the window.  I've also been tinkering with cameras again to give myself a small break, but to keep myself active in making. 

This is the board I'll be using for my Papaw's piece.   It has four knots on the right, he was one of four children.  And it has 6 knots on the left, he had 6 daughters.   I am struggling with this, because it's such a mix of the different pathes I take when composing a piece.  It's much further along now, and I'm just going to have to trust myself and push forward. 

Basic first layer for this piece, still just a sketch.  There will also be a 3D version- a sculpture installation. 

I started on Amelia's piece and talked with Emily on where to head with Milo's. 

Up & at 'em

The semester is over.


I celebrated passing my last German class with some Hoptimus.


Then there was a two day period of complete decompression.

My finals week, Lola has 6 seizures... 4 of which were grand mals.   She lost a tooth on the last one.  Talk about putting things in perspective.  While I cared about my grades and projects...  It all seemed rather minuscule.  All I really wanted was for Lola to be ok, to be Lola.

Her lab tests came back great, so when the vet doesn't know what's wrong with your dog they tell you it's a "disorder".  AKA  seizure disorder, AKA your dog is seizing and we have no clue why.   They put her on seizure medication, which has worked like a miracle.  Every day Lola got a piece of herself back, and she was one more day seizure-free.

She went from pacing the house for hours on end, confused...  going outside and staring blankly at the yard, terrified...   to finally taking  a bit of a run, getting her bark back, and recognizing us.

There are some holistic options we are considering as well.  We take Lo' back to the vet in about a week.

We took this about an hour before her first seizure.  She seemed completely herself up to the point she had it.  I went to let Ben in through the garage and turned around when I heard a "thump".  Lo' was convulsing wildly in the hallway, it felt so surreal.

Double down'n the coffee lately.   So now that I had my decompression and all is well with Lo'...  Onward to the Fellowship!  

I started my Fellowship with IUS.   I was awarded a grant for 15 weeks worth of work and additional funding for all my materials.   SO very grateful, it feels cheap to try to explain how much I appreciate this opportunity. 

I'm working under my mentor/professor Emily Sheehan.   She's been such a foundation to my growth, and I appreciate her pushing me in every direction that she does.   Brian Harper is also helping me out, and I'm pretty excited to have his feedback as well. 

Okay, Okay... so it's going to end up about 10 portraits and 5 installs.   Sounds nuts, but I can do it.  I already have two of the portraits about 75% complete, and 4 started.  So there's really only 4 more to get going on.    

Here's my base: I'm exploring "windows" and "shadows".   Short-hand that's the subconscious, the unconscious, and the discarded parts we seek to bury down deep and hide.   I want for the show to give people a feeling of connection to their fellow man.  I want to help them explore the shared human experience through these honest and raw moments that each subject shares.  

I couldn't get my Papaw off my mind.  I've been sitting on a portrait idea for him for over a year now.   He's been really emotionally raw and open with me lately now that his health is in decline.   He wasn't on the original list for my series, but I can't escape him lately.   I keep thinking about being fatherless and how he was so supernatural to me growing up.  He was crafty, classy, but feral/wild. 

Going to expand on him a bit more when I post the portrait I have started.  So to be continued. 

I also am getting Amelia's portrait started.   My lil' nimbus,  my witchy feral mama.  

Also this guy, my Moo.

Ben and I shot some photos for my cousin Austin's prom this past weekend.

Cousin's girlfriend.

My cousin and his best friend. 

Earth Day!

We planted a baby dogwood tree for Earth Day!  The anniversary of my brother's passing is coming up on Mother's Day.   We always planted a dogwood in his memory, so I'm happy to be growing one here at the house now.  

Parker sang "You are My Sunshine" to the tree to help it grow.  

Lo' loved all the sunshine!

We also hung a new bird feeder by our front window so the kids could bird watch from the living room.

Kin

I had such an unbelievable weekend at the 25th IU Women and Gender Studies Conference in Bloomington.  Rebeka and I presented our documentation of our Renascence.  Steph rode with us to present her research, and we got to meet up with her friend, Danielle.  

It's been such a journey for me to trust women.  This trip was such a profound reminder of how far I've come.   Steph, Danielle, and Rebeka are phenomenal souls-  endlessly loving and supportive.  

Over two years ago, I found myself opening the windows of my soul to very undeserving eyes.  The hardest part of all the damage it caused was the heavy fact it was my own fault.  So I think the journey to trust again really happened internally as I learned to trust myself and my judgements of character.  

"Undeserving" people aren't below you, because you could be them in a heartbeat.  Keep that in mind. They just don't fit where you're headed.   The knowledge and courage to let go is the only thing that's going to free your hands to grab onto that rope and pull yourself, transcend. 

In the past, I think not allowing myself to just 'be' was equivalent to setting out rotting food for the flies.  I was allowing myself to break down and the stench was far too appetizing.  In retrospect, I've discovered that you have to continually grow yourself in every beautiful direction you naturally travel.   You have to celebrate the simple things about yourself and nurture your cravings and curiosities.  

Damn you're a good one, a keeper.  Everyone is.  Just allow it, daily.

The people you'll cross paths with will have far more to offer, inspire, challenge.  They grow.  They nurture.  You don't have to painstakingly seek them.  They will find you.  You've brought yourself to the right place. 

Back to the Women and Gender Studies Conference...  

Here's Steph giving presenting her research. 

Walking in the misty rain all night with my lady. 

We ate at the Owlery. 

Oh scissor safety...  We didn't have a corkscrew, so I brilliantly decided to open it with scissors...  which worked for half the cork.  Then I decided to push in the rest of the cork, which sent wine flying past my Harry Caray glasses and into my eye.  All Rebeka saw was red flying onto the wall and me holding my eyeball and running.  She thought I stabbed my eye.  We both had such a good laugh.  

I'm on candid camera... my whole life. 

Pretty lady.

I'm a little over half way done with this piece.  I've turned it in and will have it back to finish it soon. 

I also had my grant proposal accepted!  They are financing my 10 portrait and 3D installation.  I will be doing a lecture over my research as these portraits will be a psychological study of the subjects.  I will also be presenting at the 2014 Student Research Conference.   

Parker went on her first camping trip w/o us.  She went with her girl scout troop.   I wasn't able to go, but the moms that went took some amazing photos!  My hope for Parker is that she's able to grow these bonds she made, and I hope that over the years she's able to travel her path and keep her friends near and dear.  This trip was really important to her, and she really loved the quality time with her school mates. 

Lo' and Parker sleep together almost every night.  This was nap time the other day.  Ben snagged this shot while P' slept.  

My o' Lady getting some vitamin D

7 Year Itch

Parker's portrait, Ancestor, is at a mid-point right now.  We just had another critique in class, and I think I'm well on my way to finishing.  Lots to do! 

Ben and I had our 7th wedding anniversary.  He took me out to dinner and a movie.  We went to the Silver Dollar and then to our first date spot- Baxter Ave Theatre.  Plus our favorite coffee spot, Highland Coffee.  We came home and watched my old Star Trek vhs.  

We made our first Kombucha.  It wasn't as dark as in the photo, but I would like to let it go for a few days longer next time.  Tomorrow will be our second brew. 

He loves Mama Scoby & her babies.  

Kids have been all about riding bikes. 

Easter at Mimi and Pepaw's. 

Parker got to ride a few houses down with Papaw on his new motorcycle.  My dad picked me up from work with it the other day.  I asked Parker earlier that week if she'd ever ride it, her response "That's just crazy! no!"  But when we pulled up, she shot into the house and came out with her kitty cat helmet.  My dad went 1mph, but I still felt sick to my stomach.  He's going to buy her a leather jacket and a real helmet.